Departure

     Departure. I am going home. Seems like returning, but so much has changed, that it seems more appropriate to depart rather than to return. I am not who I was before, nor will I ever be the same. Not because of what has happened, but because of what I did about it, what I chose to do. Departing the old me, the weak me, the broken me and progressing toward a better me, one that is more centered around God and His infinite grace.
     Grace. The incredible mixture of Mercy and Justice, Grace is what we are given from our Heavenly Father. It is the tool that is used to determine our guilt and innocence in life. Grace is so vastly important in our lives, and it is only possible because of the Atonement of our Savior and Lord, Jesus Christ.
     I am departing college, yes, at least for now, but I am also departing the old me, the one filled with mistakes and holes. I am battling Mr. Scratch and his lost cause, so that I can better become one with my purpose and my Heavenly Father. I am departing what I was, to return to what I one day will become.

Departure.

 

     I want to say before I go from this cramped, small and messy desk thank you. To my college friends, my roommates, and everyone who I have met up here. Thank you, and I must apologize for every offense and neglect that I made and was. I expected to become great through some kind of twinkling or instantaneous moment of glory, but that never happened. I became what I did, and now I am paying for it.

     Grace is so much more important for me now, now that I am able to better understand how much I need it and that it is the most important act right under that Atonement. Grace is Heavenly Father's side of applying the Atonement to us. I am learning and growing, and I thank every single one of you for putting up with it. My trials are slowly becoming the past, and I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

     Some say that trials should not happen, that we would be infinitely happier if we did not have to go through them. They are right in every way except the entire statement. We would not know of happiness without also knowing sadness. If all we felt was good, wouldn't it become numb and old just as everything on this mortal earth does? Sure we could find ways to progress, but it would never be far, and we would never learn important messages and meanings because we would not have the opportunity to be able to truly have to rely on the Lord.

     This is one of my favorite songs of all time, called Sleep, by Eric Whitacre. Here is my favorite part, that literally makes me teary eyed when I hear it.

Sleep Climax

     Beautiful, isnt it? Or is it? Here is the thing, you only heard the climax, and therefore you do not know the journey of this piece and the incredible minors and clashes this song has. Here is the entire song, I want you to listen to it and ponder. When it gets to the climax think about the journey and how much greater it is to return to this part.

Sleep

     Incredible how much of a difference it makes, huh? Because you now understand how conflicting the journey was, how almost dark and sinister it was at times but then it totally releases for a minute and becomes everything it could. It reaches its true potential, but you did not know this before. Before, you thought that it might have more to give, that it was incomplete or whatever. You judged, but now you better understand what it is and what it went through. How the song is a journey, and that every part is important. The song would not be as good as it is if it did not have its low and conflicting points.

     The same is with life. I think as mortals we cannot comprehend true happiness. We can see it, and we can glimpse it with our mortal eyes, but only if we also see the ungodly parts to contrast it. We do not need to sin to know happiness, but we do need trials and weaknesses to feel misery and hate, to be able to really want to have happiness. My journey thus far has had its ups and downs. I have loved and hated, prospered and neglected. I have known happiness and misery, through my own actions. You see, we do not need to cut ourselves to feel pain so that we can enjoy not having pain. That is silly, the pain will already come, and we will already make mistakes and see darkness, why make it more so? If we do not take the lessons provided for us and learn from them then we will be bound to make even more mistakes, and mistakes that can alter our lives forever.

     That is what I am departing from. Unnecessary pain, hate, and neglect. I am walking away from this to become someone better, and rising to my Heavenly Father. I will still have pains and trials, but I will need not to suffer. I am sorry this post has not been what I usually do, it has been very personal, but this is what I am thinking about.

     I will leave College with this final thought and memory: Casablanca, a great show that I watched up here for a movie night one day. When our hero does not get on the plane that his girl is getting on to, they talk for a moment to which he basically asks her to go on and live life. She is concerned and asks what would happen if they never see each other again, to which Bogart replies "We always got Paris, kid." Referring their time together as lovers in Paris. To any of you I never see again here on this imperfect world, We will always have Rexburg, though that really isn't of cool as a place, may our memories of it be just as good as if it were. Thank you, and God be with you till we meet again.

 

 

Return.

 



Defeating Mr. Scratch - pt. 3

     This is the third, and final installment of the Mr. Scratch posts. Below are some inspirational material that I have read or listened to to help get a better understanding of what it means to fight ourselves, to destroy that part of us that does not belong there, to defeat Mr. Scratch.

     There and Back Again - The Wheels on the Bus Mr. Scratch is a physical representation of our doubts and fears as much as it is a representation of our hate and pride. My good friend Rachel Brasier tells an incredible story of this on her blog.



A Sunrise in Arizona

 

How To Save a Life - (Un)Ceremonious Not everything about dealing with Mr. Scratch is bad, there are healthy learning experiences to be dealt with. See if you can find where Mr. Scratch worked here. From my very own beloved sister, Lauren Allred. In the post she shares a very special talk from Elder Wirthlin, and I strongly encourage you to read the entire talk if you want to learn more about repenting and truly overcoming Mr. Scratch and his silly antics.

The Night will turn to Day.

     Mr. Scratch only has as much power as we give him. He is weak when we starve him, and he cannot talk loudly or strongly. He has no say in what you do when you ignore him. Mr. Scratch starts to have less of an influence when you are wholesome and genuine. Knowing this is just part of the battle. It is important to realize that we are in fact at war with ourselves, it is more important to take the necessary steps to ensure that you do not have to constantly be battling and merely surviving. There is a way to win, even though Mr. Scratch will not die as long as we are alive and mortal, he will always be with you, we can still be victorious. That is not victory for us, and therefore we cannot critisize ourself for not being perfect, because right now it is totally impossible. What is possible however is to make him small and insignificant, to say no to his silly and dangerous ideas and to continue to work, work with humility and dilligance that is focused soley on the Lord and His infinite mercy.
     Our enemy, Mr. Scratch, wants nothing less than for us to be miserable. Why? Because we have learned that he is not a part of God, he is merely the physical representation of the absence of God, and therefore cannot get what God wants us to have. He knows this and he is miserable for it, and all he wants to do is spread the love, through incredibly destructive amounts of passion and hate. He takes every emotion to the maximum, leaving no room for any thought or morals. Mr. Scratch wants us to become the most miserable people on the planet, and then he wants us to feel like him.
     You see, Mr. Scratch has already lost the war. When our incredible and invincible Savior Atoned for our sins his fate was damned and sealed. He would forever be confined to death. With this understanding, Mr. Scratch should have no power over us. He will die, he has already lost, we know that already. What we do not know is if you will be put into the same fate as him. The only way that can happen is if you do not forsake him and his stupidity. The question is will YOU win now.
     We already know that Mr. Scratch has many friends that also want to seal you to their awful fate. They will not and cannot have any effect on you unless you go with them and listen to them. They cannot do anything to you if you do not let them. Mr. Scratch does not have a body, and he therefore cannot make you do anything. Even if he did though, you could still prevail, just as others have. How?
     Make up your mind right now that you are not good enough. Seems contradictory to what I was saying before, but it is totally not. But Jake, if I say that I am not good enough that means I will definitely lose. And you will lose if you try to fight Mr. Scratch alone. You do not have the right power and authority to destroy him. But not if you believe God is strong enough, and if you put your trust and literally your life in His name (with his instruction) He will protect you and will help you defeat Mr. Scratch. Our Blessed Father in Heaven will give us the strength needed to be able to stop Mr. Scratch's evil influence. He has tools and weapons we can use to repel Mr. Scratch as well as the other enemies of our lives.
     Now, after we believe in God, and realize that in all reality we are not in fact strong enough to defeat our trials alone, then we must make the other critical decision: that we act, and act in accordance with Heavenly Father and His will. He has conquered darkness, and he has the strength and the power to stop Mr. Scratch, all he needs from us is the will and the work. Our Heavenly Father will bless our lives in ways we cannot comprehend when we make the effort, though we will still have trials, and Mr. Scratch will always be there, we will have learned how to excersize our agency and say no to him.
     Faith takes action to become reality. Now go and work, forgetting yourself and working on destroying Mr. Scratch.

Inspiring Jake Allred: Alan Wake

    

     A truly incredible story of good and evil, and the only video game on my list, simply because it is so incredibly important to me. This is more than a game or a story, it is a lifestyle. That sounds nerdy, but it is true. This game has so many layers it makes inception looks like childs play. For those of you who have played, you may know what I am talking about. It is not just a mere video game to be carelessly talked over lunch, it is a philisophical tale full of spiritual elements and deep symbolism. It is the story of overcoming our sins, and is the Plan of Salvation through in context.
     Alan Wake is a writer. in the universe of Alan Wake, he is one of the most famous authors, writing noir and gritty crime stories, and he has become extremely successful with his career. However, for two years Alan has fought an awful case of writers block. For months he has not been able to make an entire sentance and for over a year nothing more than a paragraph. No new books, nothing, and he is really down about it. His wife, Alice, tries to cheer things up by takinga  vacation, a beautiful north western Washington town called Bright Falls. He goes, with the understanding he is not going to write, or even think about writing.
     Alice has other plans, and brings his typewriter as well as contacts a doctor who specializes in creativity. As one can imagine, Alan does not like this, and they get into a fight. Alice is deathly afraid of the dark, and Alan leaves her in the dark at their cabin during their argument, and then something happens, and she gets kidnapped.
     Things are not as they seem, and the story takes a ton of incredibly complex turns. It becomes a battle of light and darkness, something very symbolic to the great battle between God and Satan. The light cannot dwell in darkness, and darkness cannot lurk in light. It is one or the other. In order to fight the Darkness one must have light, so instead of being a simple shooter the game employs light as a weapon, and everything from flashlights, lamps, flashbang grenades, flairs, and even a little bit of the muzzle flash (if you are close enough to the enemy)

     Alan Wake represents the entire story of our life. His departure into the Dark Place is much like our departure from God to go to earth, knowing it would be full of hardships and sin, but that it was needed in order to be able to return, to learn and grow from our mistakes so that we can then one day become perfected. Alan Wake is so much more than a simple story, it is a thrilling universe that has so many layers it is hard to find a single interpretation. Through out the entire story Alan says he is awake, but many events question this, as well as loose ends that need to be met. The game does not do this in a bad way, much the opposite, it tastefully and suspensfully holds the plot line as one of the most important parts, without overlooking gameplay.
     As a video game, Alan Wake is fun, and rather replayable. The combat starts to become a little monotonous in the first game (season one) however it is really over shadowed by the incredible storyline and light engine. The game is formatted into a very tastful way as well, instead of levels it plays out like a TV series in episodes, creating even more suspense through the dramatic twists and turns and ends of episodes. The first season (or really game) is ten episodes long, counting two DLC ones.

     A few months ago Alan Wake, American Nightmare came out, which is the main story about Mr. Scratch and Alan Wake, and their duel in the Dark Place. Its story is almost as deep, though the characters are not as good, and the fighting is vastly improved. Combat becomes interesting and much more tactical than the previous game. The game is not in episodic formats but rather is a TV special they say, and is not a sequel. It solves some interesting questions but brings out more.
     All in all, Alan Wake is one of the only games that I consider to have changed my view of the world. It is rather sily to think that a video game has done this to me, but I have been deathly afraid of the dark for my entire life, and this helped me connect with it. The first time I played it I was truly scared, and came back upstairs after an episode really nervous and anxious. But then I started to see the stroy, and the symbolism. It is a game worth playing if you have the time.

     Sadly it is only for the Xbox 360, though the first season of Alan Wake is now available for the PC as well. American Nightmare is an Xbox Live Arcade feature, and all in all you could pick up both of them for under $30.

Mr. Scratch pt. 2

     Note: This is the second post of the Mr. Scratch series.

 Depeche Mode - Master And Servant

     Mr. Scratch, the Natural man, the evil wolf.... There are countless names for our adversary. It is important to understand that our worst enemy is literally a part of us. There are outside forces, yes, but unless we let them in or do something about them they cannot hurt us. How and why would we let them in? That is what this part of us wants us to do, destroy ourself.
     How is this possible? How does that make any sense, that a part of us wants to destroy us? Honestly, it shouldn't make sense, it is a natural part of us though, a testament to our imperfection. Because God is not completely in us, we have an empty space, one that is instantly filled with Mr. Scratch once we are born. Mr. Scratch is really just the the physical representation of the absence of God, the absence of good, much like darkness is just the absence of light. One who wants carnal and physical pleasure, one who really likes to "feel good" and is willing to do anything to get it. Sadly most of those things and ways of getting them are not good, and will ultimately destroy us, but that is not how Mr. Scratch sells them. He makes them wanted, even needed.
     Why Mr. Scratch? What is significant about that name at all? Well, Mr. (or Old Scratch) is a referance from pre civil war America and was a slang term for the devil. Nowadays a few authors and movies refer it, including Alan Wake. Alan Wake represents Mr. Scratch as himself, a different part part that looks the exact same as Alan. Mr. Scratch takes over his life and tries to ruin it, indulging in the most evil desires as Alan. This was because Alan chose to have it happen, because he let Mr. Scratch in, and now he has to deal with him and try to destroy him.
     Now we have to do the same, as our Mr. Scratch is already in us. He is fighting not for anything good, but everything bad. He disguises it to make it look like it is good, but I promise, it is not. Mr. Scratch can "take control" of us only when we let him. His ultimate plan is to take away our happiness, and he does that by first trying to take away our agency.

Mr. Scratch is a part of our lives. We must accept that. We cannot get rid of him nor his influence completely, not while we must still walk this earth as mortals, but I promise that we can turn his volume down. We can make him as small as possible until the day that our Savior's grace will destroy him. We must make him as small as possible.It is the only way we can stay away from his incredibly evil designs, and the only way we can make it back to happiness and light.
     Look at it this way, our mortal life is like being in a dark tunnel, and we can see the light at the end. Now when we get to the end we know that we need to seal the tunnel, as there is evil there. We know that we need a wall to stop it. God has told us however, that we are not to even think about building that wall until we are already past the tunnel. We are only instructed to make sure that we get out. Now Mr. Scratch knows that we know that the tunnel needs to be closed, and that Mr. Scratch himself will be stuck there. He wants your company, and so he persuades you to start laying a couple bricks here and there, saying that when you finally leave the tunnel, building the wall will not take as long. He keeps saying this until you realize you are trapped helplessly in the tunnel, because you sealed the tunnel from the wrong side. You are now damned, you can see the light but because of your actions you cannot get there. You will always see what could have been but you will never be able to get it. There is hope until the very end however that you can tear down that wall, with the right help of course. You have to realize that your "friend" Mr. Scratch is in fact your enemy, and then to rely on the help of our wonderful Savior.
     Now here is an interesting tidbit about Mr. Scratch that is not so readily known, and yet it is usually his greatest tool in us: our pride. Yes, everything we do, good or bad, in the name of our pride helps keep Mr. Scratch a little closer to us, lets his whispers start to slowly become louder, until they are screaming horrible things at us. Pride is almost always our ultimate demise when it comes to gateway sins. Think of it, how easy is it to be a sore loser? How easy is it to want, and even try revenge? This is Mr. Scratch's desire, for us to puff ourselves above our friends, above our family, and ultimately above God. We start to act because it helps our image instead of doing something because God told us to or we want to help someone. Our agency starts to become dependant on our pride, destroying our agency. We can't, we won't act simply because it is against our image or popularity. Even doing good things become tainted because we are doing them to get noticed. Everything we do becomes only for us and our desires. Very quickly we can start to get nasty, feeling entitled, and maybe even turn violent. We cannot fall into his trap, but how? How do we make sure that we do not make him our master, and us his servant?

How?

The next, and final post will tell.

    

Intro to Mr. Scratch - pt. 1

    

 Inside of us lies another us, one of carnal desires and hope of death and destruction. One who wishes we had everything and no one else had anything. It is in every single one of us. No one can destroy them while we are mortal. Inside of every single one of us lies a monster. There are many names for this disgusting person inside of us, but those are not so important. The scriptures refer to them as our "natural man." I will refer to him as Mr. Scratch.
     Why this name? Well for many reasons I will explain later, but you need to understand that he looks just like me. He acts like me, he talks like me, he thinks like me. The only difference is that he does not want to be happy. He wallows in his sadness, and worst of all, he wants to spread it. Yours does too.
     Now why on earth do we have (and more importantly NEED) to have a Mr. Scratch? That is another question that I will answer later. You see, this is my first continuation post, it has various parts to help you and I both understand our natural man and his incredible hunger for power and destruction. This is his introduction, if you are not familiar with him. He is the real enemy to us and everything we do.
     We see time and time again that for every action there is a reaction, a counterpart that negates or reacts. For us, that is a part of our bodies. Psychology defines this as three parts called the Ego, the Super Ego, and Id. The two heavyweights are the Super Ego and ID. Super Ego wants what is right, it is the part that is good in us, the selfless part that fights for equality, godliness and fairness. Id wants only what it wants, pleasure. However it gets that pleasure is really not its concern, only that it does get it. Ego then decides which one to follow. We are essentially the Ego, as a whole.
     Mr. Scratch (otherwise known as Id) wants me to fight, to hate. Mr. Scratch wants me to not learn from my mistakes so I can go through them again and again, so that I can learn to love, and need that kind of suffering and pain. Mr. Scratch wants to give me hell. No, mr. Scratch wants me to give myself hell.
     So our greatest enemy is a part of ourselves? Yes, and no. You see, mr. Scratch, while essentially me, is not me. God did not create him, he merely became a part of me when I was seperated from God. He represents all of my doubt and fear. He represents everything I should not and cannot be. But he is what I think I want to be. He makes things sound very good. He plays with our senses and manipulates them to make us think that this is good. Everything he does has in fact something good to it, though there are dark undertones. It is not done properly, and therefore one cannot obtain and enjoy the rich blessings of the principle.
     It becomes an awful drug, a fix. We become addicted to our own demise, wanting, needing even, more of the poison that will eventually kill us if we do not rid ourselves of it. Mr. Scratch is the worst virus, killing its host simply by planting ideas and thoughts in it.
     The next couple posts will be about fighting Mr. Scratch. My external hate and enemy have been released, I have departed, but now my battle turns to the really ugly side: myself. Now it is time for me to look at myself and to be able to fight the wrong side. Now it is the time to overthrow my hate for love, to be able to forgive myself for what I have done. Now is the time that I refill those holes in my soul with work and charity. This is the true nature of repentance, to be able to refill our souls, now empty of sin, with an incredible and unyeilding love for our Savior.
     There is hope, though for how long we do not know. Why stall our own redemption? Doing so is only letting Mr. Scratch come one step a little closer to being able to have power over you. You do not want this. This is the reason my blog is titled "Immortal Combat," because this is our fight to earn eternal happiness. This is our fight against Mr. Scratch. This is our fight against ourselves to become someone better.

Release

     I was a huge fan of Ian Flemming's original James Bond series (which later where turned into movies that the world now knows) and though I will talk more about them in my "Inspiring Jake Allred" series, I want to explain a small part of the book Casino Royal.
     Bond wins. He gets the villian, wins the money, and gets the girl. The girl's name is Vesper, and they are madly in love, though the relationship is incredibly abusive on both sides. They only have a physical attraction toward one another, and it shows. They fight often. Vesper one day then commits suicide after signing the money to the Soviets, the very people that Bond was trying to protect the money from. Vesper betrayed him, not to mention her own country. Bond had come to "love" her, or rather an imaginary her, and this was affecting him and his work. When Bond reports back to his headquarters in London, his boss inquires immidiately about him and her, to which Bond says one line, (pardon me for my french, just quoting) "The bitch is dead."
     Bond moves on from her. She is dead, and the problem is being solved, and now Bond never trusts. He was too close to love her and still go on with his mission, with his duty that was incredibly important. He realized this, and it was not so much that he was sad she was gone, it was that he had so easily fallen into that trap. He would never do that again.
     Of course, because she was dead it was much easier for him to forget her, but that does not always happen when we are ridding ourselves of distractions and roadblocks from our passage. We may frequently see or hear our problem. It may be outside everywhere you go, heck it may be your roommate. However, I like to think that Bond is on to something with what he did. He remembered the lesson and forgot the details. He started to become a man of principles (though funny enough his principles where really quite worldly and destructive) instead of a man of circumstance.
     I was a man of circumstance. I was awful, and had really been blown away by my stupidity. I was ignorant to my work, and I lost it. Just like Bond, I lost everything that I had worked so hard to get and keep. But now it is my turn to say it, to finally cleanse my hands of this awful situation and to rise above the uncertainties, the memories, and the pain.
     Release. I will destroy the part of me that should not be there, the imaginary part that is still addicted to my problems. The imaginary "get rich quick" schemes that I fell in love with. I can't shortcut anything, not love, not experience, not intelligence, nothing. Only through experience and work can I become what I need to become, and do the things I need to do. It is the only way I can become, and stay, free.
     We have rules and regulations because our Heavenly Father knows how we will be happy. We will not be happy when we go to those dark paths, and he cannot follow us there to help us. He knows this, and He wants us to be happy, so that is what we must do. When we tamper with them, nothing good comes out. I can testify of that, coming from experience. I am not sad about breaking my mistake, I am sad about making the mistake, regardless of when or who with.
     But that ends. Now. My past allowed me to not be prepared for such a situation, and my present is now damaged because of it. What am I doing now to ensure that my future does not suffer the same, similar, or in general any mistake?
     Preparation. That is the only way I can do that. The only way I can become emotionally stable is if I work hard and do not dwell on what I did, only what I have done about it. The mistake will never be remade, but the feelings can be recreated, and lust can find its way pretty quickly back into us. How will I prepare to ensure I never do this again?

    Forget yourself and go to work.

Inspiring Jake Allred: Scott Pilgrim

     In order for you to better get to know me, I have started a new weekly segment that will be titled: "Inspiring Jake Allred." It is when I share a form of media that has helped shape my life experiences. It sounds rather odd, maybe even a little shallow, but I promise that it will not be.
     I am incredibly sentimental. So much in fact that I relate with other's experiences, especially through media. Whether it be from books, television series, movies, music and even video games, I take along lessons learned and I really feel for the characters if they are well developed and experience emotion. That being said, I have an incredibly long list of media that I really, really like and think that we can take something from. Some are lessons of deep impact, a realization of our subconsience that penetrates our very soul, while others are less... serious?
     An old tale that has been told too many times tells of two wolves in each one us, one that is good and the other is evil. The fight ceaselessly, and the one who wins is the one whom we feed. That being said, and that being true I believe, means that everything we do has either a good or a bad motive. Even simple, small choices like what color of shirt we are wearing ultimately has a good or evil side to it. It is not always a fair fight, for better or worse.We may be choosing between to evils or many goods. It is also true then, that the deeper we look into our selves and our emotions the more extreme to one side or the other they will be. It is with great carefulness then that I explore some of those deep feelings, because of their large polarity.
     Abstract... something I feel I have always connected to but never have understood. It is dangerous, as the abstract can be twisted by evil forces to have us believe that we are less than we are: Children of a King. It is important that as Princes and Princesses we are able to look at ourselves and our incredible minds and bodies to analyze and enjoy, but we cannot forget that they are tools on loan from our Father in Heaven, and that they are not in fact ours yet.So then, while we explore some of the emotions and functions of humanity it is with great care and respect towards the Almighty Creator that I do not go too deep into them, and that I very cautiously explore emotions. It is not a bad thing to do that, we have been given these bodies for a reason, but it is just that we do not and can not understand everything about them, and the darkness will try to fill in the gaps with lies.
     That being said, the first on my list will be a more worldly tale. It is about a jobless Canadian twenty three year old who falls in love with a girl. Yup, it's Scott Pilgrim. I am talking about the comic books, not the movie. I liked the movie, but there is so much time that they rush through, leaving a ton of important character development behind, creating only shell of the original story. Warning, if you have not read it yet, this does contain some spoilers and uses parts of the story.
     One could argue the entire story is completely symbolic about love and getting to truly love someone. The first, and arguably most obvious symbol is Ramona's seven evil exes. They represent the luggage of past relationships and the battles that both need to do to make sure they stay in the past. Each person we have a relationship of any importance or intimacy with stays with us, and becomes something we must deal with for the rest of our lives (even with the Atonement we still have to deal with it, it just becomes something mortal and temporal). Scott's ex was a little different, however, being more internal rather than external actually does just the opposite, and arguably he totally distorted the relationship, remembering something that never was. This is better represented through Nega Scott much later.
     This is where things get really abstract. The way that Ramona's exes are represented are by physical, fightable people, representations of them themselves. This means she is over them except for the inevitable side effects of breaking an intimate relationship. She is willing to move on, and therefore her problems become tangible 'objects,' something that she can conquer with the right help. She needs Scott's help of course, love takes two. Scott's ex is a very different situation however, she is not represented as a conquerable person, but instead is a part of his head. She exists of course, but the ex that haunts Scott is entirely in his mind, something much harder to conquer. The reason for this is a complex mix of decisions of both Scott and Envy (his ex) made that distorted and destroyed the relationship. They created a different Scott and Envy than the real ones, and therefore they fell in love with their imagination instead of one another. When reality crashed the physical (but not loved) Scott and Envy parted, but their imaginative creations of one another stuck, and they never really got over them. Nega Scott represents the truth, but Scott was so bent on being the one who was wronged instead of a mutual rift that it took years literally for him to finally accept the truth. He hurt as much as he was hurt, and while they originaly may have loved one another it warped into an idolship instead of a relationship. The fight between both Ramona and Scott and their exes is really a testament to their different characteristics but even more so of HOW they dealt with something going wrong. Ramona left, forgot it, and moved on, completely washing her hands of the situation by leaving it. Scott, on the other hand never left it, and instead wallowed in his mess creating a fantasy where he is always the innocent victim. Neither are correct but the fact that they conquered both together (in an epic and stylized odyssey that many take to be the real story instead of a mere representation of a rather common relationship) really makes the ending with them going away in the portal an even more touching and incredible story. They won't live happily ever after simply because they wont have problems, they will live happily ever after because they have learned to trust and love one another and to be able to work with one another on their issues. That kind of complete trust takes time, and that is probably the biggest reason the movie does not and cannot get it like the comic book series, but I like it anyway.

     If you are interested in the Scott Pilgrim series, I would reccommend them highly, with the understanding that they are a worldly work and do have some less appropriate things in them. It does not have any nudity, but it does have some iffy scenes as well as some profanity, it is a shame but there is not too much of it and it does not glorify or worship it.

Growing Pains

     Have you ever had to do something that was good for you? Something that would change your life, that would make you absolutely one hundred percent a better person? Have you ever had to change? The answer is probably yes, and while we look at all of those previous things, it's hard not to get excited about it, but there is something hard about change. We don't like to give up things that we love, whether they are right or wrong, we like to justify loving them.
     If you cannot imagine, I am in that same situation right now. I loved. I had worked hard to love, and had given up many things (ironically some very good things) so that I could completely love, but it is very richly ironic how it does not work that way. I was so foolish with everything, and what do I have to show as my reward for all of this time, this effort, this love? nothing. Worse than nothing, that wouldn't be as bad as what I have, which is hate. Sorrow. Sadness. Regret. Nothing productive, everything negative. I don't like it, if you cannot imagine it, and believe me, I am working hard on trying to forgive myself about the whole thing.
     My last post was about how I want to progress and change, to utilize my Heavenly Father's most important tool: the Atonement. This post is about how it is not easily done. All of my life I have pretended to know at least something (if not everything) about anything, that I always had a solution, some advice or something to help the world. All of my life, it was about me being the best. It was about how I was awesome and had something to show you, and that you better shut up and listen so I can tell you. That is wrong though. Sorry world, that is so wrong, and I would absolutely hate to see that get into this blog. This is not what I knew, this is about what I am learning, what I am coming to know through my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. This is my path to becoming a disciple of Christ, and I just want to be able to record it in a place where I might be able to help others. My struggles are mostly what I have done for myself, my family has always been incredible and financially stable, and while we have not been rich we have never had to skip a meal or go without food for any period of time. I never had any large physical issues that prevented me from learning and growing. Therefore, all that I have wrong with me is just what I let in, which sadly, is a lot.
     So I think I have painted the picture that I am pretty miserable, and that I don't really like being miserable. How do I change? How do I get in a better position so that I can start to enjoy this incredible God given world and be able to let things go? How does the Atonement work so that I can not forget about the pain but instead be able to move on and not do it again? The first step is analyzing the problem, or realizing there is a problem if you havent done so.
      Ok, so I have in fact already realized my problem, and I have stopped it so that it is not in my life anymore, that is another huge one that needs to be done. I can't stop analyzing it, though details are not important here, only the fact that I am coming to understand why I feel the way that I feel. It is hard to grow sometimes. It's hard to give up things and even some 'rights' to become a higher person, a disciple. After analyzing it, and better understanding that this is what is wrong with me, it is time for the real repentance process to kick in. This is where things get tough, and some people quit, because you literally kill your old self and then have Heavenly Father help rebuild you. When quitting any addiction you start to have a lot more time, idle time if you are not careful, which could be refilled with the same habit, or something worse. The same is with any sin. When repenting and ridding yourself of such filth it is so easy to not refill that empty space with the Lord and His incredible and eternal Gospel.
     Repenting is not merely destroying the bad, it is taking upon yourself good and higher standards of living. It is helping Heavenly Father shape you into someone that can help in the Eternities, someone who can work and progress, who will take care of his family. This is not done overnight and is not done by just stopping to sin. It is making the best out of what you have, spiritually, to gain more, to get better. It is praying specifically and continually, and then searching and pondering the scriptures for answers. This is what I have come to learn what Repentance is. It is not a checklist, but a continual process. We may only have so much to do before we feel forgiven of our sins, but stopping there would be a sin in and of itself, thus repentance never stops.

     I know that God lives. What a comforting statement, and if truly believed then what an even more comforting statement. I know that He loves us enough to send us here, to give us trials so that we will then be able to trust and work with Him to be able to rise above them. I know that He did this by sending His son, Jesus Christ, to Atone and die for our sins. Christ lived a perfect life, but he was not without trials and hardships, how then, could a mere, imperfect mortal live a life without any? It is simply not possible, but we can lessen our load by using the Atonement. I know this to be true, and I am coming to truly know and love my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. I am going to serve a full two year mission, I have been promised that but I will only get it according to my faith and works. I will work and have faith to do it. I thank you for your time, please message me or comment if you have any questions or comments.

God be with you 'till we meet again,
Jacob Mahlon Allred

Flawed Genesis: The Test

     For a long time I have debated about starting a blog. Why didn't I? Well, for a million reasons, what if it is not cool, what if what I have to say is lame or what if people make fun of my grammar or word usage? My fear is that what I was writing about, which is a reflection of my thoughts, would not be important or necessary to others. The reality: it may not, and this may just be nothing short of a journal for me to be able to see what I was thinking at such and such time, but I am ok with that. All too many times we forget the past we say we never will. How? We don't write it down. I never really liked writing a journal, the day to day works of my life I am not so interested in. I am interested in the patterns though, the choices I make and the thoughts I think. That is why I am writing this blog, for me, and hopefully you too can learn a thing or two, from my mistakes or from impressions.
     This blog is dedicated to learning. What about and why? Learning anything about us is important, whether good or bad, because it is a part of the person we deal with most: us. We are always with us, and we can never escape us no matter how hard we run or well we hide, we are still right there with us. Once we accept this, that is when we can start to accept that we are who we are. Now that does not mean that we can carelessly throw our lives and productivity away simply because we have lazy tendancies, but it is good to understand that you may be dealing with a lack or motivation in your life. I do not use the word "accepting" as a way to excuse oneself, but rather to realize that there is a problem so that one can start the process to change, or celebrate what one does well. Yes, change is possible, as mortals, only so far, but the process of trying, the act of rejecting something bad or not productive is something healthy. It is something immortal, something higher than what we are right now.
     This is the reason that I am tryping up this blog right now, so that I can get a better understanding of what on earth I am thinking about right now, to try and pin point my troubled mind so that I can tackle my countless issues. The blog is titled "Immortal Combat: Fighting The Natural Man" for a reason, it is so that I can come closer to my Father in Heaven, so that I can shed the simple, carnal pleasures and yearnings of man. That is our Test. I will never be perfect, and I will never be able to do those things completely as long as I am still a mortal man. It is our flawed Genesis on this earth, we cannot be perfect. But that is not the goal for our test.
    What then, is the goal? How do we pass this test? I want you to answer that for me. I don't care if you write it in a comment, or if you simply think about it, but if you do either I will have accomplished my goal for this blog. How can we go on to become greater, better people? How do we love everyone, even those that hurt us and do not love us back? How do we return with honor to our Father who has sent us here?
    This is a longer post, and I thank you for the time you have put into reading this, but I need even more. I need you to ask these questions to yourself, and then to try to answer them. No, I take it back, do not just answer them, try to LIVE them. It is hard. I am particularly struggling with loving those who do not love us, loving those who have hurt me. But I promise I am trying, that I am asking my Heavenly Father every day multiple times to be able to have that kind of change of heart. I know that we can be changed, but it takes something higher than us, it takes Him. Are we willing to do what it takes to change and be humble, especially when there is no earthly profit available from it, or even potential lost friendships? That is something that I have had to ask myself, that we will all have to ask ourselves. What will you choose?

Show me what I'm looking for - Carolina Liar

J.M.A