Behind the Blog

     For my incredible followers and readers.

My good friend Rachel and my beloved sister Lauren.

 
    So I have been trying to make my blog more animated and active. Why? Well, I feel that this is how I get you to learn more about me. Why is this important? Honestly, it isn't, at least not for you so much, but for me it helps me to be able to understand myself by citing sources from my posts as well as being able to step back and ask "What in the name of garbage was I thinking when I wrote that?" Sure I could delete or alter the blog, but I feel that is kind of like going through your journal and erasing all of your mistakes. It alters the past, and therefore I don't really want to do that (unless it is to clarify my thoughts)


One of my greatest friends baptisms.

     I also want to be more informal here. I feel my posts are very structured and tight, and that is what I want them to be, but here I want to let my hair down a little and show you who I am on a daily basis. This is called behind the blog, and I am not sure exactly how it will work, except that it will be periodically updated to show what has been going through my head at that time.
     If there is anything I want to stress about, it is that every single one of my posts are more for and about me than for anyone else. This is my experience and therefore my interpretations, and so I want it to be known that if what I say does not ring with you, know that it is ok, there is no fault or problem, you simply work differently. On many of these cases we get caught up in the partial details rather than the impartial truth and center. So this page is made mainly to help clarify my personal connections with my posts. I want my blog to tell a story, to have each post have a story arch and to progress in the plot. What is the story detailing? That is for you to interpret, I have my own ideas but I want to see where they go. If you ever have any ideas about posts or concerns, please tell me them and I will see what I can do. If you are reading this, I lastly want to thank you, for your time and thoughts. You mean alot to me, whoever you are and whatever you are doing, remember that people love and support you, and God is always on your side. Thank you.




My incredible brother, Andrew and I a couple years ago.

10 December 2012
     So today is a Monday, and therefore my Inspiring Jake Allred post. I really have to say that Alan Wake is the main inspiration for this entire blog, at least the dark but redeeming nature that Wake so effortlessly portrays. Alan Wake gave me the idea about my Mr. Scratch posts, which I really think are important for me. I had a dream one day that I was in the place of Alan Wake, and that I was fighting Mr. Scratch, who naturally looked just like me. I cannot really explain it, but I was missing a part of myself, a part that I really did not want back, but I realized as I kept looking that Mr. Scratch was that part, and that he became a physical form representing everything ungodly about myself. I had to fight him but I knew he was stronger than me, and that it was my fault he was so strong. I tried and tried again to win, but I never could. He would destroy me every time, leaving me alone and cold, trying to heal. I was losing hope quickly. I then woke up as I gave up, and I was really freaked out and frustrated. How could I beat him? How could I ever defeat this monster that I created? I couldn't, as I had tried for literally years in the dream. It was dreadful.
     And then I remembered. Something I never should have forgotten, but nonetheless I remembered the saving grace of our Savior's Atonement. This was incredible. I realized that I was trying to fight Mr. Scratch alone when I had the most powerful friend in the universe standing right next to me, Jesus Christ.
     I then started to picture and form my version of Mr. Scratch. This is what my blog tells, the version that I battle and deal with on a daily basis. Yours may be completely different, but I really like how we are not perfect, and that there is a part of us that lacks godliness. It is comforting for me at least because then I can find it and minimize it as much as possible. Putting it into a physical form makes it even more mortal, and thus defeat-able, with the right help of course.
     I wanted to try to invoke a sense of helplessness in the first couple Scratch posts. Not to make them depressing, but to get the understanding that we do not have the proper tools to defeat it, and that we are literally damned to be tortured and even become him if we do not get the tools. So for the second one I started to cross his name off, to create an interesting effect, and then I started telling some stories. I have no idea if it has worked out that way, but it was how I envisioned it to work out. Writing is just too much fun, hopefully I continue to improve and be able to better express my thoughts and actions through this. Below this are some songs that I have used to inspire these posts:
Demons - Imagine Dragons
Master and Servant - Depeche Mode
Evil - Interpol
Abide with me; 'tis eventide - Mormon Tabernacle Choir

26 August 2013
     Another Monday, though this is almost a year from the last post here. Everything has changed, I am no longer in the comforts of my Idaho homeland, but instead in the dusty hot land of southern New Mexico, about 40 miles from the border. It is my new home (for now) and my entire purpose has changed as well. I am now a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, and my purpose is to help others come closer to Jesus Christ.
     For decades computer usage for missionaries was limited to say the least. Now, though, we are able to utilize them to help others come closer to Jesus Christ. This means that now I get to continue my little experiment, with the hope that even if I only get myself closer to Christ, that will be enough for me. That said, my inspiration for this next series of posts, titled "Restoration." focus on the importance of making sure we are continually keeping ourselves in our highest possibility. I have been fighting depression and anxiety most of my life, and one of my anxious and depressing tendencies is to compare myself with others, which always brings out the worst in myself. This is not good or healthy, and so in these posts I really want to convey that this is YOUR journey, and that your best self is only known and can only be reached by you. No one else in the entire world can make the difference you can, remember that. A funny if not pessimistic adage that I like to remember is "You are unique, just like everybody else." Though this is a little sarcastic in its simple delivery, I like to remember the base fact it states. I am me. You are you. No one can change that, for better or worse, except you. You can be influenced, or "given the loaded gun" but you decide to pull the trigger or not. No one else can do that for you. 
My inspirations for these posts are many. C.S. Lewis's essay "The Trouble with 'X'" is certainly one of the more influential ones. I urge you to look it up when you have the chance. Mumford and Sons have also been a huge impact on them, they are in fact quoted regularly. Specifically "Roll Away Your Stone" is used the most, it is the story of my life I really feel. Mumford's lyrics are just so absolutely spot on with many Gospel topics as well as personal feelings. My friends and family have seriously contributed to these, specifically my father's incredible advice and thoughts.  I also could not even have the desire to continue on (let alone write) if it where not for prayer to my Heavenly Father. God has given me all the will to continue and to find happiness in life that I have, and will continue to do so.